Good Cheer

Project Good Cheer is going well, thanks for asking.

Even the quasi-road trip we took on Sunday was fairly cheerful thanks to my conscious effort to be effervescent and witty and well, not-bitchy or whiny.

So yes, it’s going well.

And other than the middle of the night lapse in good cheer, everyone is benefitting from my efforts.

The girls both seem to be more relaxed in the evenings. Tom’s more pleasant was we go about our evening routines.

And I know that this pleasantness is partially how I perceive it. He probably hasn’t even changed his tones or words or even moods.

But I have and that’s all the difference.

One day last week, Tom moved some kiwi he’d bought earlier in the week. He put it on the counter more in the open. He said in passing, “Maybe this will remind me to cut one of those up for Olivia.”

And I nodded and continued what I was doing it. I never once thought, “He’s saying that because he thinks you’re a lazy cow and he knows you won’t get around to cutting those kiwi up for her.”

No, I didn’t let myself think that. That’s not what he’d said and I was going to take what he said at face value. I’m tired of getting myself all in a lather over imagining what he’s implying instead of hearing what he’s saying and accepting it as what he meant.

Even when he continued a few minutes later with, “Or, if you think of it, you could cut them up.” I didn’t let my thoughts go further than that. I didn’t read into it. I just nodded again and continued the evening with good cheer.

I realize that this is not something I can always do but while I can, I’m making the most of it.

I want to build memories of happy, relaxed evenings with my girls. I want them to look back at their childhood and feel good about it. I want them to remember their mother as someone who enjoyed their company, someone who loved them with abandon and who took joy in their stories.

I don’t want them to only remember my tiredness, my stress, my anger.

But that’s not to say I want to hide all that from them. I am okay with them knowing I’m human, flawed.

But let’s make the good parts outshine the bad, shall we?