Unscheduled Meeting

I have a meeting scheduled with Olivia’s teacher and her therapy team tomorrow to discuss her IEP for next year and her transition from preschool to Kinderkids.

But yesterday I was at the school for Alyssa’s pen pal party and as I was leaving, I glanced into O’s classroom and saw her teacher in there all by herself. I stopped to ask her how O’s behavior has been over the last week since we’ve been sending wordy notes back and forth trying to figure out how to get Olivia to WANT to behave appropriately in the classroom setting.

We talked about motivation and how Olivia is a tough child to crack. Not that we want to break her. No, we all want to find what makes her want to learn and behave.

We want her to grow and progress with her peers. We want her to want this too.

One thing in her favor is that Olivia is not disruptive in the classroom. She doesn’t do things that take away from her peers’ opportunity for learning. She just, well…shuts down sometimes. She’ll just stop listening to her teacher and will go find a quiet corner in which to lay, often clutching a small toy.

So no, she doesn’t interrupt the flow of the classroom but she is disrupting her own chances of learning. And we don’t want that, obviously.

While Mrs. F and I were talking, I mentioned that my mom often used lipstick as a motivator to get Olivia to use the bathroom appropriately. When she used the toilet, my mom would let Olivia put on some lipstick.

Mrs. F and I stood for a few minutes, looking at each other. Obviously, lipstick isn’t appropriate for the classroom setting but…chap stick…could work.

I offered to purchase some new tubes of chap stick and put them in Olivia’s backpack the very next day. I suggested that Mrs. F take those tubes of chap stick and put them on her desk, reminding Olivia that if she told the teachers when she has to potty and when she listens to them and picks up after herself, she will get to use the chap stick.

Mrs. F was more than willing to give this a try.

With six days of school left…

I know. But hey, if it works, next fall I’ll let Olivia pick out her own favorite chap sticks, we’ll take them to school when we meet her new teacher and the whole process will begin again. And the thing is, some days the motivation of chap stick will work and others? Not so much. Just like some days, the promise of sugarless gum will help her do what is asked of her and other days, she’ll just shrug if you tell her that there will be no gum if she doesn’t comply. On those days, she just doesn’t care and nothing we do will make her care.

All any of us want is for her to succeed. But in the end, Olivia is the one who has to want it. She’s the one who has to do the work that will get her there. We can give her tools to reach goals but she has to work for them.

As I said, tomorrow I head back to the girls’ school to discuss Olivia’s IEP. While I don’t expect any surprises, it is often hard to hear the ‘professionals’ talk about O’s processing issues, her delays, her less than stellar performance in the classroom. But what can I do? They can’t grade her on what she does at home. They have to judge her on what they say, what she shows them.

But I will admit that I’m getting kind of tired of reading the words, “Mother reports…” in the progress reports. It almost feels like they’re saying, “Well, her mom says this is what she does at home but we see no signs of this at school.”

And honestly, that is what they’re saying. Because it’s true. Olivia won’t do for them what she does for us. And that is the issue. That is the real problem. That is what we need to work through.

I’ll let you know if the meeting tomorrow comes up with anything brilliant.