Forever

Confession: Most evenings I can be found at the kitchen table with A and O as they eat dinner. Am I eating too? No, I am not. I am feeding Olivia.

Yes, she’s six years old and yes, she’s perfectly capable of feeding herself. But…it can get messy when she does it herself. It doesn’t get messy because she can’t get the food from her plate to her mouth but because she WON’T get the food from the plate to her mouth without spilling. She likes to watch broth fall from her spoon to a napkin because the way the liquid spreads on the napkin looks nice.

Except it isn’t nice because guess who has to clean up that nasty, soggy napkin. Hint: It’s not Olivia. Though come to think of it, it should be her. Ahhh, there’s an idea.

Anyway, last night after one such deliberate spill of broth onto a napkin, I took her spoon away from her and started feeding her.

She smiled and asked, “Are you going to feed me forever?”

I declared, “Yes.”

She scowled at me. “No you are not.”

I told her, “As long as you make messes on purpose, I will feed you.”

“When I’m a grown up, I won’t make messes.”

I agreed with her that when she was a grown up, messes wouldn’t be as much fun to make. And I hope we’re right.

These days, she often asks me about the future. She wants to know if she’ll live with me forever. She wonders aloud what she’ll do when she’s a grown up. Will she go to work? Who will she marry? Will she be a mommy like me?

These can be tough questions. I never want to be the one who puts limits on Olivia’s life. I want her to believe she can do anything she puts her mind to doing. I want that for both of my girls. I tell them all the time that they can live with me forever if they want to. I’d be perfectly fine with that but I know they’ll grow up and want to live their own lives.

I just don’t want to limit the lives they lead. I don’t want to dampen their dreams.

The world doe a good enough job giving us limits, of crushing our dreams. As a mother, it’s my job to lift their dreams, help them chase them, to push the limits, to help my girls live the best lives they can.

Forever.