Intensive Parenting

As I walked the girls down the stairs at 7:15 this morning to hand them off to Tom since he'd been up for over two hours by that point, Olivia asked me why I was going to go back upstairs and lay down.

I replied, "Because the next two hours are going to be the best sleep I get all week."

I managed to keep the snark out of my voice, which is saying something.

Alyssa gave me a look of sympathy and headed to the computer for her two hours of computer time. Olivia was already demanding raisin bran from Tom as I trudged back up the stairs.

For the record, I know that with a few days (weeks?) of intensive parenting, I could have Olivia in her own bed on a consistent basis. I know this. I know that it would be painful in the moment but that eventually, I'd be able to wear her down (or put up a gate at her door) and have her firmly out of my bed.

I know this.

And yet...I'm not up to that kind of intensive parenting. Perhaps it's because I'm still tired after all these years. All I know is that in the middle of the night, my poor muddled brain feels like bad sleep is better than no sleep and so even though I sighed heavily last night when Olivia showed up at the side of my bed all of ten minutes after I'd laid down, I rolled over, pulled her into bed, tucked her in against my side, kissed her head and told her gently to go to sleep.

The kind of work it would take to get up, walk her back to her bed, tuck her back in and know that in all of a half hour (at most) she'd be back makes me want to just roll over and cry.

So instead I roll over and try to get comfortable with a fourty pound child mirroring my every movement. Each time I try to inch away, she inches forward, seeking constant contact with me.

Eventually, she'll figure it out, right? I tell myself this to feel a little better about what I know is really just lazy parenting instead of doing what soudl be done.

I mean, Alyssa's ten, she's a great sleeper. When she was six? Not so much. I keep hoping Olivia will follow in her footsteps and just grow into a good sleeper.

It could happen.

Or not.