Still Little

After baths tonight, the girls and I settled on the couch with wet hair, blankets and books. I always read three books to Olivia while Alyssa sit next to us, either reading her own book or watching television (the volume turned low so I can read) or, like tonight, she listens to the books I've picked for Olivia.

Olivia doesn't really like hearing the same books over and over, for which I am actually thankful. I've apologized to my mom over the years for the number of times I asked to hear Green Eggs and Ham when I was a toddler. I loved that flipping book and by the time I was three I had it memorized so the poor woman couldn't even skip words/pages because I totally called her on it. I was sort of a brat, now that I think about it.

So tonight, the first book I read was about cats. Alyssa settled in, leaning against me as I read. It was a wordier book than I usually read to Olivia. Her atention span is still spotty so I try to keep the books light and fun.

This one was deeper, more intense.

Alyssa listened to every word, reading along with me. She looked at the pictures and giggled over some of the illustrations.

In moments like tonigh, I'm reminded of how little she still is.

She's five feet tall these days. She's ten years old and doing things that ten year olds to. Sometimes, ten can seem so big, so old, so independent.

But then I get a moment like tonight, when her body leans into mine, when she sort of sinks into me, reminding me that she really needs me, maybe more these days than she did even last year. Ten can be so confusing, so stressful.

I am so grateful that she still wants me to read to her, that she still wants to listen to my voice, to laugh with me, to hug me, to let me tuck her into bed each night. I want to keep her little for a while longer. I want to keep her safely hidden away from this big world of ours even as I prepare her for the challenges that lie ahead of her. I hope she continues to let me help her as she navigates the pre-teen life that looms ahead of her.

She's always be my baby even as she grows and learns and branches out but right now, she really is still little.