Holding On

Fifth grade looms. While we take comfort the fact that we’re facing the same school, the same classmates, we are fearing new teachers, lockers, changing clothes for gym class and many other things that can stress a kid right out.

While at the kindergarten meeting earlier this week, I stared down the sign-up sheets for the class parties scheduled for the kindergartners. I asked the principal if fifth grade has class parties. She said that fifth grade does not have parties in the same sense that preschool through fourth grades does. They may have popcorn and a movie on some days and call that a party but parents aren’t asked to plan and participate in these parties.

So that’s another change.

So far I feel like we’ve been really lucky. We’ve weathered changing schools, changing bodies, changing expectation and changing social lives fairly well.

I know things are going to get bumpier before they settle.

I’m holding on for the ride, trying to maintain our relationship so she always know I’m here, waiting to be supportive, waiting in case I’m needed.

I’m lucky, so lucky that she still talks to me and I pray she always will.

On my grouchiest days, I feel guiltiest over not being there as much for Alyssa as she deserves. I get tired and I need my space. In those moments I need to remember that she needs me so much more than I need space. I need to pull her close for as long as she’ll let me and hold on when she pushes me away, holding tight to the smallest scraps she throws my way until she finds her way back to me. And I will always pray that she finds her way back.