Attitude

I had such an attitude as a teenager. Not so much against authority or anything like that. I wasn't a rebel or even one of the cool kids.

My attitude was more that I knew what was right and wrong and I was willing to stand up and demand that the world treat me well. I was nerdy and okay with that. I had good friends who made good choices and I was definitely one of the 'good' kids.

When I was twenty one or so, my mom showed me some papers she'd found in my brother's coat pocket. Jason would have been about sixteen at the time. I was clueless as to what those papers were. My mom was very doubtful of my ignorance.

But I truly had never seen papers used for homemade 'cigarettes' before in my life. I was that sheltered. I was that firm in my attitude about what was right and wrong. I wasn't afraid to share my opinions on that either. Wow, I was actually pretty obnoxious back then.

Then I went to college.

And something changed. I don't remember exactly when I changed, when I stopped being so sure of myself, so sure of my rights. I don't remember when I stopped sharing my thoughts and opinions so freely, when I stopped knowing that what I thought had value.

I want that high school attitude back. I want to be sure of what is right and wrong and be willing to fight for what I know I deserve.

I want to be that person who says, "Hey, I'm smart enough, good enough to deserve better than you're currently giving me."

I want to be able to go to work and know I'm doing a good job every single day.

I want to wake up each morning and know that the decisions I'm making for my children are the best ones, the right ones. I want to stop questioning every single thing I do.

I want to stop doubting my own rights.

I want my weight to stop being a factor in my self-worth. I want to rediscover that smart-ass teenager I once was, the one who knew she was smart, and pretty, and just as good as anyone else.

I want to like myself again, just because I deserve it.

I want attitude. An attitude that says, "Hell, yes, I'm good. I'm a good mother, a good wife, a good person. And I deserve good things just because I am."

That's what I want. I want to model that attitude for my daughters so that they'll become teenagers with attitude.

Oh yes, I want that so much.