Good Enough

What does that even mean? To be good enough?

A friend, a dear, dear friend, is going through a tough time right now. It's her story to tell, but this is just a tough time of year for her. She reflects a lot and her memories are tough. They bring about post traumatic stress and she worries that once upon a time, when her life was at stake, she made selfish decisions, felt selfish feelings.

She worries that she wasn't 'good enough' once she was out of danger.

And I wonder...why do we do this to ourselves?

Why do women set such high standards for themselves? Why do we expect more from ourselves than we ever would from our partners, our children, our friends?

Yes, I want to excel at certain things and be my very best. But sometimes? Being good enough is...well, it's good enough.

Sometimes, just getting through the day with everyone still in one piece and relatively sane is good enough.

Sometimes, just knowing that tomorrow HAS to be better is good enough.

Yes, it's good to continue to try and improve. It's good to set goals, but they need to be realistic. They need to be attainable. Because setting unattainable goals is just setting ourselves up for failure and more self-doubt.

When Olivia was born, I got through each day of pumping, visiting her in the NICU, going home to feed Alyssa, pump again, go back to the hospital and do it all again. And then she came home and each day was about pumping, feeding Olivia, feeding Alyssa, cleaning them up, attempting to keep Olivia from crying all day long while finding time to play with Alyssa.

Those first few months? I'm not sure I was ever good enough. But we all survived and in the end, we all thrived, so I'm going to rewrite those days and say, hell yes, I was good enough.

Mothers are so hard on themselves. We want so much not to scar or traumatize our children. We want to set good examples and show them how to be well-rounded people.

But in the end? I think that the occasional short-tempered outburst isn't going to cause scars or trauma. Because in the end, the love will outweigh the yelling.

The snuggles in the 'big man chair', the tucks into bed, the rocking, the drinks in the middle of the night, the homework checks, the balanced meals, the party planning, the every day shows of love and devotion will overshadow the early morning snaps to get shoes on and not to forget lunches.

We're humans, we mothers. We need to remind ourselves of that and, as Pink says, we need to change the voices in our head and make them like us instead.

Because in the end, we're good enough.