Time Out

Olivia is a delightful child. She really is. Her adoration of all things make-up make her a very easy child to entertain. Give her a tube of lip gloss and she'll be happy for hours.

But discipline. Ohhh, it's so hard to discipline her.

See, she doesn't care. Time outs don't phase her. The few times I've swatted her butt haven't bothered her at all (of course the swat of a hand through a pull-up probably doesn't hurt AT ALL.) Taking away treats or priviledges don't get to her either.

And as wonderful as she can be, she has a naughty streak.

She loves to dump water on the floor. She loves to splash oceans of water from the tub onto the bathroom floor.

Making her sister or her cousin screech in dismay or anger is the funniest thing ever as far as Olivia is concerned.

But when we try to stop her from doing these things or when we have to 'discipline' her after she's done something? I don't know if it's getting through.

Example: Last night, I stupidly gave Olivia an open cup at dinner. And I told her, quite clearly, "Do not dump that water. Take a drink and then put it back on the table."

I left the room and not two seconds later, I heard water splashing onto the floor.

I looked back and there she was, the cup turned over, looking down at the puddle she'd just created.

And I was instantly furious. I was mad at her and myself. I shouldn't have given her that cup. I knew I shouldn't.

But I did and though I'd told her not to dump it, I had a feeling she would.

And she did.

And she went into time out. Where she sat, undaunted, for five minutes. I made her face a wall, I told her not to speak, I refused to talk to her when she did speak.

When it was over, I picked her up, I held her, I asked her why she'd had to have timeout.

And she said, "Because I poured water on the floor."

And she was right.

Except...does she really get it?

We think she does. She seems so smart and aware. But is she? Am I expecting too much from her? How much does she really get?

I want to believe that she's fine, that she understands me when I tell her something. But then things like this happen and I wonder if I'm in denial about how much the 5p- affects her.

I don't know how to discipline this child who doesn't care that she's being punished. She knows the time out will end and she'll get hugged and everything will be fine. She doesn't have a favorite toy to take away. Take away her gloss and so what? She'll find something else to do.

Spanking? I think we'd have to really, truly hurt her to make an impact and I can't do that. I won't do that.

So my mom and I talk and we continue to share ideas but...in the end, we don't know what or how much Olivia understands. We don't want to be mean to her if she truly doesn't get what and why we're telling her the rules. We want her to behave because she knows that's how you treat other people.

But what if she never gets that? What if she doesn't mature, socially, past four years old?

I'm trying to be realistic and face the possibilities.

How do you discipline a child who doesn't understand what they did wrong? How?