Mine

Update on the sleep issues: No change, except that they were more evil than ever last night. And in response, I barked at Olivia, "You better lay your little butt right back down." She seemed to think it was unreasonable that I'd want to lay her sleeping body down and go to the bathroom, expecting her to STAY asleep for the ten minutes I was away from her. Ugh!!!

Anyway, that's just there, in the background. Of course, I'm beginning to think I could quite possibly be pms'ing this week, which would explain the foul mood I've been in for five days straight.

Alyssa seems to be struggling to assert her place in the family. These days she's all about HER stuff. She doesn't want Olivia to even look at her anything Alyssa might consider her own. Touching it will reduce A to tears.

She can often be heard telling me, "She's always hogging you."

It's hard to be the older sister with a little sister who loves being babied.

A wants her independence but she also wants constant proof that she's in no way being overlooked in favor of her sister.

It's a fine line for us to walk and we often stumble.

I am guilty of letting O play with A's things. Sometimes, it just doesn't even occur to me that whatever item O has in her hands happens to be her sister's.

But the instant A sees that O is playing with it, she reminds me that I SAID I wouldn't do that. I'd PROMISED her that I would make O ask for permission before she played with A's stuff.

Except, give me a break, kid, it's a stupid mini fan that we got as a party favor at your cousin's graduation party. You BOTH have one, do they have to claimed as one or the other's?

Even cheap-ass McD's Happy Meal toys are claimed and divvied out as if it matters.

And it obviously does to Alyssa. I need to acknowledge that.

She feels her rights, her place in the family are being infringed upon by her sister. And her feelings are valid.

Frustrating? Yes. But still valid.

So I'm trying. I'm trying to remember that the red mermaid is Alyssa's and the blue one is Olivia's. Or is it the other way around?

I'm trying to remember that sometimes that big girl has needs that trump the little girl's wants. And when that happens, I make time for the big one, give her extra attention, remind her that she's my baby too, even if she getting almost too big to sit on my lap in the recliner. But she's not too big yet and so sometimes, we just sit together, giggling, being silly and enjoying each other's company.

The other day I had to leave work early for a meeting with the education team that will be working with Olivia in the fall. (This meeting and the resultant IEP deserve their own post. Which will come when I've had time to process it all.) I got home fairly early and took the girls to my mom's so we could swim in her pool.

Five minutes after getting into the pool, Olivia was shivering. So I got out with her and took her inside to warm her up.

I glanced out the window at my bigger little fish, who was still splashing, still swimming and I decided I'd leave O inside with my mom and go back out to swim a bit long with Alyssa.

She was delighted. She had me all to herself for over a half hour, at which point we were driven out of the pool by rain. But I think that half hour of 'racing' from end to end, of pretending we were mermaids, of just being together, just the two of us, recharged her sense of importance to me. It reminded her that she was here first, she was my first baby and she'll always be my girl.

We need more moments like that, my girl and I. And I'll make time for them.

But soon...we're going to be painting a bedroom a nice light blue, setting up lovely beds for two little girls who are about to embark on an adventure as they learn to sleep in a bed, a room, that does not have their mother in it.

Wish me luck.