Tom comes from a big, loud family full of very friendly, very outgoing people. I really like these people.
Mostly.
Except when some of them treat my children as if they're freaks because they don't like to be hugged and mauled by people they see once, maybe twice a year if we're lucky.
And that's what they do. Some of them.
There are a few sisters-in-law who act as if shyness is something to be beaten out of a child, as if it's something that I can force out of them. And I know they think that I coddle the girls and that this is what lead to the shyness.
Yes, I probably do coddle them. But I was once that child be confronted by adults I barely know, asking me stupid questions, attempting to hug me or even tickle me to get a response and so I know how uncomfortable that makes a shy person.
So I intervene. I speak for the girls, I explain that they're tired, or hungry or whatever. I make excuses so that these people will just give them some freaking space and let them get used to all the new people.
Neither A's nor O's shyness is debilitating. Alyssa has done very well in school the past three years, interacting with her peers and her teachers with no real problems. Yes, she tends to be one of the quiet ones, but so what?
In fact, she's already come out of her shell of shyness quite a bit considering where she was even two years ago.
I think pushing either of my girls too hard is a mistake in this instance. I think that letting them get used to new places and new people helps them know that I trust their instincts and I respect their feelings.
I just wish family members would shut up about it. Shyness is not something that needs to be cured. It's a personality trait than can be overcome but in this case with patience and understanding, not bear hugs and cheek pinches from Great Uncle Buck whom we last saw three years ago.
A mom, a dad and two daughters. We're living ordinary lives with a twist of 5p- (Cri du Chat) for spice. But we're about so much more than our younger daughter's genetic diagnosis.
1 comment:
1. I can't stand when other moms judge the way I am parenting! You may not agree with how I am doing it, but there is always more than one way to do something. Can't we just agree to disagree? Seriously it is one of my pet peeves when I feel like I have to defend the way I choose to parent! So I know how frustrating that can be!
2. I was a totally shy kid and still to this day, I am not a super outgoing kind of person. People always treated me as though it was the worst flaw I could have, and I think I actually got pity from some people as well! I have always felt that being shy is not a horrible thing to have, you just have to know how to rock what God gave you :)
Being shy actually helped me in a lot of situations and I always did well traveling abroad because other cultures respect that shyness and shun the typical "American loudness".
Bottom line? It is okay to be different and it can serve us in the end!
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