Visiting Hours

My poor dad...he's so lonely.

He's seventy-one years old, retired and lives alone. He'd like my brother and nephew to move in with him, not only for the company but also because it would be finacially beneficial for both of them (the brother and the dad, not the nephew) to do so.

I used to 'joke' that I couldn't move closer to work because I couldn't live within visiting distance to my dad. I was afraid he'd come over every single night and not leave until I was shuffling the girls off to bed.

It's turned out not to be that bad.

He really only comes over once every two or three weeks.

But...there's always a 'but', isn't there? Because my dad is retired, he doesn't seem to understand that there are those of us who are still on a normal, 6am to 8pm schedule. As in, I have to get the girls into bed no later than 8:30 or they're both grouchy, cranky pissy-pants the next morning.

Although I've told my dad this countless times, both subtly and blatantly, he STILL arrived at my front door no earlier than 7:45pm.

And then he stays until at least 8:30. He honestly believes that this is okay.

He thinks that by leaving at 8:30, he's leaving at bedtime. I've tried to explain that we have a bedtime ritual that needs to start at 8ish in order for the girls to be in bed, ready for actual sleep at 8:30, but he doesn't seem to care.

I often just start the night-time routines with him still there, the tooth-brushing, the pottying, etc. But he doesn't take the hint. No, instead, he follows me around the house, mumbling.

My dad? He cannot bring himself to speak in at normal, conversational volume. Oh no, he has to speak quietly, with his head down, chin on chest. I think this is his deliberate way of making sure you're paying attention. He's testing you, making you have to say, "What?" so he'll repeat himself.

It's annoying and frustrating. And the night-time routines don't do their job of calming the girls when we have company while doing them.

I love my dad. I do. Please don't think that I don't want him to come over and see us. Even though when he comes over he only talks about how much money my brother has cost him over the years and how once upon a time, there might have been an inheritance (HA!) but now...there is only debt.

I feel for him. I just wish he'd tell these things to the brother that's costing him instead of to me. I can't stop my brother from asking for money any more than I can stop my dad from GIVING him money.

But whatever. The topic of conversation wouldn't even bother me if my dad could be bothered to adjust his non-schedule so that he could arrive anytime between 5:30 and 7:00. If he could do that, and then plan to be out the door, driving away by 7:30, that'd be great too. I know, I know, in the summer, schedules are flexible. Except when they're not. Alyssa's still going to her reading program (one more day, she's been counting, but NOT crying, so there's that) and has to be up and out the door by 7:30 each morning. So bedtime stays at 8:30, at least for one more night.

I'm thinking of creating some sort of clever "Visiting Hours" sign to put outside our door. Something that will look sort of silly/cute yet actually be what we'd like people to respect.

Though...the only person to EVER show up after 7:00 is my dad. Looks like another uncomfortable conversation is on the horizon. The problem with these conversations is that his feelings get hurt and he pouts for a few weeks.

Although (she thinks maliciously) when he's pouting, he doesn't come visit...

See, that's just mean. I don't want that. I guess I just want him to see that it's not actually about him. It's not about what he's there to say. It's about the girls and me needing to get them to sleep.

But he is who he is. He can't take himselt out of the equation enough not to take it personally. But in the end, he usually gets over it and just goes back to his regular visiting hours anyway, we just get a few weeks respite. Is that worth it? In the end, yes, it probably is...sigh.