Thursday, October 6, 2011

On the Bright Side

Olivia is home sick again today. She’s with Tom today, lounging around, eating popsicles and watching “Tangled.” She has a Rapunzel doll she holds as she watches the movie. It’s cute. It’s also reassuring to see her play with a toy, a favored toy. Olivia has never really been all that into toys. She’d much prefer to snuggle into a corner holding a cup than play with your traditional toys.

Or, even better as far as she’s concerned, she’d rather be with people. Given her choice, she’d sit on me all day long, or be carried from place to place by me as I got about my business.

But if I’m not available, my mom or Tom will do. She likes the security of being around people.

This illness, this cold, whatever is, is already passing. Sure, we had a couple of rough nights, where she whimpered in her sleep if I moved to far from her.

But we’re getting through it.

It takes me back to her early days. Those first few months where she hurt so much. Where she cried all the time. Those few months were all about survival. We were just getting through them.

Each time we went out among people, I’d get such looks of pity as my baby cried and cried. I’d assure family members that it would get better. It had to get better.

And it did.

But when I think back on those days, just as when I look back on last night and the night before, I realize I’m good at this. I’m good during these times of high stress, these times when she needs the most patience, I’m there. I’m an awesome mom to a child with a cold. I willing, cheerfully get up countless times a night to get fresh water, to change the sheets when she throws up, to take her temperature, to change pajamas/pull ups/blankets. I hold, I snuggle, and I rub backs and hold hands.

Now, if I could channel that awesomeness to the everyday stressors.

But I’m not going to go all negative on this. I’m looking on the bright side. Yes, I want her to feel better. I want her to have color in her cheeks and a bounce in her step. But I also want to be there to provide comfort until that happens.

I do realize how lucky I am that this is just a cold. I don’t know how great I’d be at this whole mothering thing if she had a chronic condition. I pray I’ll never have to find out.

But I have those first few months of Olivia’s life to look back on and know I’d probably be okay. I was then. Maybe I was in denial. Maybe my reassurances that things would get better weren’t so much for everyone around me as they were for me. Maybe I was telling myself to just power through because it HAD to get better.

Whatever the case, it worked. I got through it and she did get better. She started sleeping and so did I. She stopped crying and so did I. She started looking at me when I talked to her and the instinctive love I felt for her developed into a real, deep, abiding love that comes with time and with getting to know each other.

I’m glad to be able to say that I am a patient, loving mom to my girls, especially when they’re sick. Yes, there’s work to be done in the day to day world as far as patience goes but love? There’s never a shortage of that in our house. Of that I am absolutely sure. And that’s definitely a bright side.

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