Sunday, February 17, 2013

First Born

I'm reading a book right now that has two sisters. The narrator is the older sister, the 'smart' one, the competent one. The one their mother says she never has to worry about. The younger sister is the 'pretty' one, the flighty one, the one their mother constantly worries about.

Obviously it resonates.

I worry that I'm the mom from the book, the mom who neglects her older, competent daughter if only because her younger daughter is so much needier.

I do worry about Alyssa, though. I worry that she doesn't get the attention she needs and deserves. I worry about her future as much as I worry about Olivia's. I worry that there will be pressure on Alyssa from me, from extended family, from herself, to care for her sister when they're older.

I hope she will want to be there for her sister but I never want her to feel burdened. I want her to have as many opportunities to be carefree and chances to follow her dreams as any other person out there.

I don't want to be that mom who is constantly reminding her older child to take care of the younger sibling. I don't want to forget that Alyssa is an individual, a person with thoughts, feelings, dreams and hopes just like everyone else. I want to nurture those hopes and dreams and make her life about her, not about her sister's special needs.

I hope that by being aware of the possibility for this will make me a more mindful, more present to Alyssa and Olivia alike.

Olivia has dreams too and it is up to me as her mother to help her make them come true. It is not Alyssa's responsibility to make sure her sister's hopes and dreams are realized.

1 comment:

Tiffany said...

I think the fact that we are aware of the oldest's feelings says a lot. :)