On Being Okay

There is something to be said for being in the moment, for knowing that this is a good time and place to be and for embracing the happiness that can often only seems evident in retrospect.

At the risk of being smited by the evil sprite Karma, I have to say that things are good right now.

I am okay with where we all, with our life as it is unfolding. We go about our days and I try to soak it in, these moments when Alyssa still wants me to braid her hair and Olivia still needs me get her water.

These days are so fleeting and yet often seem to drag, the monotony of it all feeling like quicksand dragging me down.

But when I concentrate on the sweet moments, the fun moments, the moments that are likely to stop before I’m ready, I can bask in the monotony, the predictability of our lives.

Olivia was a little off yesterday. Even Alyssa said during breakfast that she didn’t think Olivia felt very good.

Today? She was her usual bouncy self, following me upstairs while I braided Alyssa’s hair in what she (A) called the Katniss braid. Olivia laughed when I tossed her favorite blanket down the stairs and it landed on her head.

Tom didn’t feel well last weekend and he was a grump because of it. I kept encouraging him to go upstairs and lay down so he wouldn’t be bothered by the noise the non-sick girls were making. Instead of listening to my orders advice, he slept on the recliner, limped to the bathroom, and glared at me and the girls.

We, of course, didn’t take is personally because he really was sick. But yes, I’m so, so glad he’s feeling better.

I feel like the farther I get into this parenting schtick, I realize I need to learn to be happy with being okay. Am I the best mother around? Probably not. But I am the best mother Alyssa and Olivia could have. No one in this world could love these little girls more than I do.

Do I let them watch too much television? Probably. But they also run and play and imagine and dream and read. So it’s a balance that we continually tweak in an attempt to get it right.

I am learning to be okay with who I am, to stop saying derogatory things about myself. I’ve even learned to stop mid-sentence if I realize that what I was about to say was no so nice.

It’s a start. Is there still a long way to go? Yes. But that’s okay too.