Thursday, November 3, 2011

Conference - Part 1

A few weeks ago at my mom’s house, the kids were being silly, as they are every afternoon after a day of school.

Olivia did something (I don’t remember what) and I said something about kindergarten and my mom said gently, “If she’s ready next year.”

And it hit me. She might not be ready for kindergarten next year.

I’m glad my mom said that to me when she did.

At O’s parent/teacher conference today, her preschool teacher said pretty much the same thing. She didn’t say O won’t be ready for kindergarten next year but she did allude that another year of preschool wouldn’t hurt Olivia at all.

She (Mrs. F) fears that kindergarten is very, very academic and that Olivia is still working on the social aspects of school.

She’s right, of course.

Olivia still has trouble tracing. She hates it and doesn’t even want to try. She is willing to cut paper into confetti these days, which is a big step in the right direction but tracing letters and shapes? No thank you, says Olivia.

She’s also still more into observing the class rather than taking part in it. Mrs. F said that during circle time, O will sit back and watch the kids, sometimes mouthing the words to the songs but never doing the motions. We think this is a processing issue. O needs a little more time to get into sinc with everyone else and I know she’s one of those kids who doesn’t even want to try something if she isn’t going to do it perfectly the first time.

We’re working on that, obviously.

Potty training is also still an issue. A child who won’t tell the adults in charge of her that she has to use the bathroom is going to have trouble during those hours she’s with those adults.

At the Halloween party last week O told me she had to pee. Her teacher was amazed by this. Olivia has never, not in the three months she’s been in school, told either of the teachers when she has to go to the bathroom.

I know this is more about her comfort with the adults than it is with her ability to speak or be able to know when she has to go but it’s an issue.

I suggested today that started next week the teachers take O to the bathroom every 45 minutes or so, just to have her try to potty. This might clue Olivia in on the fact that it’s okay to tell the teachers when she has to go.

We have another meeting in January to discuss her IEP and at that point we’ll decide if she’s going to do preschool for another year. Mrs. F warned me that the principal will talk about high school sports and will warn me that if we wait another year before sending Olivia to kindergarten, she won’t be eligible to play sports in eighth grade once she turns 15. Obviously eighth grade sports are at the bottom of our concerns right now.

Obviously there are some things we can work on. But there are also some great things happening for Olivia these days.

She’s talking like crazy at home, telling stories about princesses in castles and planning imaginary parties. She’s constantly giving me invisible gifts that I have to open and she ‘swims’ through the room, sometimes forward, sometimes backward. She ‘flies’ too.

I think preschool has been good for her this year. It’s pushed her out of her comfort zone and made her try new things. It’s given her peers and let her see that there’s more to the world than home and Gram’s house.

We’re going to work on tracing and cutting at home as well as talking up the fact that she can tell her teachers when she has to potty.

And honestly? If she attends another year of preschool instead of heading off to kindergarten next year, what’s the big deal? What we want more than anything for Olivia is for her to be happy and reach her fullest potential, whatever that might be.

Her teacher was kind enough to point out that as O is on the small side, no one will even know that she’s a year older than her kindergarten peers if she waits another year to attend. Not that that would be the deciding point for us. But it’s nice to have that in our pockets we worried about it. There are benefits to being tiny.

You know, as I read back on this and think about how it took my mom’s comment and then Olivia’s teacher’s confirmation of the validity of my mom’s comment to really get it to sink in…maybe I am in more denial than I realize. Of course, isn’t that the way denial works? We never really realize we’re in denial until we look back at our past behavior?

But see, I think Olivia is just amazing. I think she’s the bees’ knees, if you will. I think that about both my girls. And I think that whatever they’re doing, they’re awesome at it.

What I see at home is so different from what those girls show people at school or even in public. And so it’s easy for me to be in denial of Olivia’s limitations. At home, she appears to have none.

But when confronted with those denials, I don’t get defensive or irritated. I try to listen because I realize that others see things I don’t see. Or, rather, they don’t see the things I do see. And I want to help Olivia show the world the side of her that, at this time, she reserves for home viewing only. I want her to be the best she can possibly be. If that’s denial, I’m not sure I want to wake up from it.

4 comments:

Just another mom said...

She seems like she is doing fabulous & if that is because of your denial & then denial is a great thing!

Anonymous said...

She does seem to be doing amazing. I believe Tiffany also left Olivia an extra year in preschool and now she is doing wonderful. We all deal with our journey in different ways it just depends on what works for you. Kuddos on realizing what is best for her now and not just jumping into what might be better be better in the future.

Brittany said...

You are definitely not in denial. People in denial don't wonder if they are in denial :). Olivia is doing awesome and whatever choices you make for her, will be the best choice for her, and thats what matters!

Kate J said...

We did an extra year in preschool, partly because it took a whole school year to get our daughter out of the typical class where she was languishing, and into a setting with more 1:1 attention. Once there, we didn't want to mess with the success! While we didn't achieve all the goals we were hoping to (independent pottying!), I do not regret that extra year. And then she was able to ENJOY kindergarten so much more.