A comment on one of my recent posts got me to thinking. By the way, thank you to everyone who has ever commented. I appreciate it more than I can say. I’ve never been offended by any of the comments I’ve received so far and I’ve more often than not learned something (thanks, Lauren.)
This comment didn’t offend me either but it did make me think.
The actual thought I had was, “I’m not depressed. I’m annoyed.”
Which…huh. Okay. I don’t think I’ve ever really been depressed. Yes, I get down. Yes, I have my moments of less than pleasantness. But actual depression? I don’t think so.
My mood on Sunday wasn’t so much about depression as it was about annoyance. See, my understanding is that depression comes from inside. Is that right? Isn’t depression a chemical issue in the brain?
I can actually pinpoint the things that were bothering me and they were coming from my environment, my world, from outside my head. I was worried sick about Orville, who very obviously had a bad cold. I felt an enormous amount of guilt over even getting that kitten because once he was home I saw how much Tom hated the idea of an indoor pet. I felt like I’d made everyone miserable in my attempt to do something great and fun for our family. It all came to a head that morning when I didn’t get nearly as much sleep as I needed.
I tried to ignore it. I tried to go about the morning, putting dishes away, cleaning bedrooms, etc. But then he asked what was wrong. And the dam broke. I think that if Tom had just walked away and let me be sad that day, things would have been fine. I’d have gotten over it.
But no. I spewed my annoyances and he got the brunt of it. In the end it was probably good that I let it out even if he didn’t appreciate most of what I had to say. The best thing that came out of it all was that Tom took Orville to the vet on Monday and came home with a prescription for antibiotics and the sweet kitty is happy and frisky again. And Tom is very, very good at giving kittens medicine. He also insists on playing with Orville after the medicine has been administered so that Orville will learn that Tom’s not being mean to him or trying to hurt him when he gives him the medicine.
All this is to say that yes, I get seriously annoyed more often than I’d like but I truly don’t think I suffer from depression. I also don’t think that my husband is evil. He’s a good man who means well even if he does have a stubborn streak a mile wide. Huh…that explains where the girls get it…
None of this is to say that I think depression is something to be ashamed of. I can’t imagine what it feels like to be engulfed by the hopelessness that depression can bring. I think the societal stigma of depression is horrible and hope we can all work together to change that. But, alas, I don’t think I have the right to claim depression as my problem. No. Sometimes, I’m just a grouchy bitch.
A mom, a dad and two daughters. We're living ordinary lives with a twist of 5p- (Cri du Chat) for spice. But we're about so much more than our younger daughter's genetic diagnosis.
1 comment:
I totally get where you are coming from but depression can also be consequence of your surrounding. I have had post partum depression which I needed medication for because it was so bad over ten years ago. I was not on it long and ove rthe years I have had bout's of saddness and lack of motivation with some self esteem issues and while I had not needed medication to correct it as it comes and goes the coreect medical term is depression according to the doctor. I for one like the goruchy bitch label better. I'll use that one it seems more fitting for me too! As women we are handed so much in life we can't expect to be perfectly happy all the time. You can be content and not necessarily happy at the same time and that's ok!
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