Working At It

I remember a few years ago, while at Julie’s house for her annual Thanksgiving party, there was a young pregnant woman there. She was probably about six months along and was a bit nervous about motherhood.

She was asking all the veteran moms there if parenting had come naturally to them or if they’d found it challenging.

These questions led to a discussion among us wives/mothers about whether we found motherhood more difficult than marriage.

I was one of the few who admitted that for me, being a mom was/is easier than being a wife.

There is the very distinct possibility that every other woman in that room that night had been a wife for some time before they became a mother.

I think it’s common knowledge that Tom and I got married when Alyssa was nine months old. If it wasn’t, it is now.

Anyway, I wonder if that has anything to do with it.

I was a mother before I became a wife.

Yes, obviously, Tom and I were couple before Alyssa was born. We’d lived together for more than two years by the time we got married.

But for us, for me, marriage changed things. In a lot of ways it made things better, more solid, more real. I know this is not true for everyone so please, don’t take this as my saying that if you don’t think marriage makes a difference you’re wrong. No, for some, it doesn’t matter. For me, it does.

But still, even before we were married, our relationship took work.

And now, over ten years in, it still takes work.

I’m not saying that motherhood isn’t work. Ohh, good God, is it work. But so many aspects of motherhood feel so much more natural to me, so much less ‘work’ than marriage.

I truly believe I’m a better mother than I am a wife. I think my husband would agree.

But that doesn’t mean I’m not working on that. I know that even the best of marriages take work. I know that even those to whom it comes naturally have to work at it to keep it going.

All this is just to say that I’m working on it. Every single day. I work on my own attitude, my own communication skills (or lack of.)

I pray for patience and I guidance when I feel like my work isn’t being appreciated.

It takes work. But I know, I really, truly know, that it is worth the work put into it.