Monday, March 21, 2011

Casual

Tom's a pretty laid back sort of guy.

So when Olivia was about four months old and even he said things like, "We should be able to put her down for fifteen minutes without her screaming." I knew that my instincts about something being wrong weren't askew.

Though he knew something wasn't quite right, Tom was willing to let me lead the search for answers. He never stood in the way as I took Olivia to doctor after doctor and even when I asked for the referral for therapies, he was open to the option.

He didn't want to ask for the referrals himself, but he supported my need to get her into early intervention.

I think one of the best things that happened early on in O's therapies is that we couldn't find a suitable physical therapist up around the area where I work. Olivia was, at that time, in daycare four days a week. She spent one day a week at home with Tom.

When we couldn't find a PT up here (65 miles from home) our caseworker suggested we try to find one in our home county. This would mean that Tom was in charge of being there for that therapy.

And that's what happened. He ended up having two therapists at the house every Monday for Olivia.

And honestly, it was great. He needed to be there to see what they were doing, to interact with them and hear their thoughts on O's progress. I think if he hadn't been there for them, he might never have really, truly embraced that Olivia was delayed. He knew she wasn't doing all that she should have been doing but he was sort of like those early doctors, thought she'd catch up in time.

But the therapists were quick to talk him right out of that. They gave him hand outs, they made him work with her too, they showed him what she should be doing and how to help her get to that point.

When I finally asked for the referral to the developmental pediatrician down in Indianapolis, he was all for it. He didn't fee the need to attend that appointment though. I don't think a diagnosis mattered to him.

We got the call from the pediatrician two weeks later, asking us to drive down to Indy to meet with her.

I was a wreck. I asked Tom to go with me and Olivia.

He heaved a big, put-upon sigh and agreed.

But on the drive down he said, "If they just tell us that she's delayed and she'll catch up this is going to be a heck of a wasted day."

Well, as everyone knows, the doctor told us a bit more than that. Except...she kind of didn't.

She gave us a name, 5p- or Cri du Chat, whichever your prefer.

She gave us some brochures, and recommended that we not do a lot of research.

She even got Olivia in to see a neonatal cardiologist who was doing heart scans of fetus' that day. He happened to have one cancellation and was willing to check out Olivia's heart even though she was no longer a fetus. He spent twenty minutes looking at her heart. It is perfect.

Then our doctor sort of patted us on the heads and told us to keep up the good work with Olivia and sent us on our way.

Once we were on the road heading the two hours back home, Tom said, "Yeah, like I said."

See, knowing she has 5p- didn't change a thing for him. She is our little girl. Our baby. She's perfect as far as we're concerned. And having the doctor give us a name for what was keeping her from meeting her milestones at the time her peers were meeting them didn't mean anything to him.

And I'm so glad for that. I need him to be the pillar of strength when I was at my weakest. I didn't fear the diagnosis so much as I feared the guilt I might feel at hearing the diagnosis.

I irrationally feared that when we got to that appointment, the doctor was going to tell us that she had to keep Olivia, that we weren't taking good enough care of her. I know that was ridiculous. I knew it then, but I feared it. And Tom was there, supporting me at my most irrational, telling me how great we were at taking care of our littlest girl.

And he's kept on loving us all, through the tantrums, the therapist, the diagnosis, the whining (oh dear God, the whining.) He's kept it casual, light, and yet his rock solid faith that we're all going to be okay is what I lean on more often than not.

1 comment:

McKinley {Haolepinos} said...

I know what you mean when you say you wanted a "name". I totally get that, I think you said once knowledge is power, and it really is. But it is great to have someone like Tom help you every step of the way. It seems like you two have a great relationship and marriage. And with or with out a "name" Olivia will be exactly who she is, with a perfect family to go along with it. She is so lucky to have great parents that love her unconditionally! The best thing is, she knows that and she loves you guys even more for that. I love reading your blog!!! Thank you for sharing everything!