Words

When Olivia was about a year and a half, she'd been sitting independently for about six months. I put the girls in the bath one afternoon and turned away for maybe five seconds. When I turned back, Olivia was laying down, submerged in the water.

I snatched her out of the tub and hugged her close as she sputtered and coughed.

I asked Alyssa sharply, "How long was she like that?"

Alyssa was, at most, five and a half years old.

I realized the moment after I asked her that it was unfair for me to even ask, let alone ask in the tone I'd used.

I also realized that if I'd been even a few seconds longer, something terrible might have happened and the tone I'd used with Alyssa could have turned into a life-time of guilt for her.

And it wasn't her fault. She was a little bitty girl. I shouldn't have turned away and while I absolutely didn't blame her, I shouldn't have spoken as if I could have blamed her.

See...words can hurt, even when we don't mean for them to.

I'm a few days late to this but last week there was a movement to end the use of the "R" word. The word retard and all variations.

That word stings. It hurts. A lot.

When we first saw a geneticist, Olivia was already over two years old and totally showing her intelligence and her independence. Yet the geneticist said words like "mental retardation" and "mental delays".

I fully admit that Olivia has physical delays. I embrace them because we can do something about them. We can build her strength and her endurance. We can work on her balance and her confidence.

But mental retardation? The one report that the geneticist sent home that mentioned that we could expect "mild to moderate mental retardation" was tossed in the trash in a fit of denial.

I realize that we still face challenges with Olivia but I will fight tooth and nail to never have her hear that word as a description of herself. I will attempt to arm her with knowledge and come-backs should she ever be confronted with that word.

Perhaps I'm still in denial about my sweet, funny girl. But I really, truly don't want anyone to ever call her a retard. Does any parent ever want to hear that word in conjunction with their child? No. Which is why the ease with which people throw that word around in casual conversation amazes me.

So I vow that from this day forward, I will educate people on how hurtful that word is. I will stop anyone I hear saying that word, no matter the context and explain why it hurts so much. I will remind them that while they may think that it's just a word that words can do so much damage, they can cause so much pain.

This is my vow. For Olivia, for all the other kids out there who might not be able to speak for themselves. Because that's what we do. We stand up for our kids, and our friends' kids. We stop people from hurting them.