On Being a Dad

Tom's a good dad. Actually, I think he's pretty great. When he's there, in the house with us, he's very present. He's involved, he takes time to interact, to play, to teach.

His older kids (I don't say my step-kids because they were all teenagers when we got married. I was never a mother to these kids, I've always been more just their dad's wife and their little sisters' mother.) are 27, 24 and 22.

The oldest and youngest are sons.

Both of these young men are great dads too. Jeremy, the older son, has two children and he's amazing.

Dustin, the younger son, had a girlfriend for the past three years who had a child. Her son was just four months old when she and Dustin started seeing each other. Dustin was amazing with this boy.

I believe they learned this from Tom. They learned how to father their children. They leanred how to listen, how to talk, how to discipline with love. They learned how to be there for their children from their father.

While their mother might like to rewrite history and say that her children's step-father was the more present father figure in their lives, I see things differently.

Tom and his children's mother divorced when the kids were 9, 10 and 13.

She remarried very quickly after the divorce.

She retained full physical custody.

But in the beginning, when these kids were young, when they were learning what it meant to be a parent, Tom was there. He was the one teaching those young minds and building deep, lasting memories.

And he's doing that with our girls.

Admittedly, the girls are very mommy-centric, that's to be expected after our years of commuting. But he's making up for lost time, that's for sure.

He picks them up from my mom's most days and they're all happily, cozily shut up at home each evening when I get there.

I think it's hard for all of us sometimes because for so long I've made most of the decisions, I've decided on what's for dinner, what time we go to bed, how long to let someone (Alyssa) play on the computer.

But we're getting it together. We're all figuring it out.

And we're loving it. We're loving having Daddy/Husband at home with us, full time. I'm loving seeing my girls blossom from the love their dad bestows upon them. I love seeing Tom glow with pride when one of his girls does something amazing. I love how we're learning together how to make this living together full-time-thing work.

I know, I know. People do it all the time, right from the beginning. But we didn't and so we're figuring it out. And I think we're doing a pretty darned good job of it.