Choosing

Yesterday after I walked Alyssa to the bus, I went back into my mom's house and spent about ten minutes with her and Olivia before heading to work.

My mom was watching Good Morning, America and on the screen were these very thin women. And instead of saying something snarky about the skinny bitches, I said, "You know? Those women are thin because they choose to be."

And I stopped.

They choose to put themselves and their health first, at least part of the day, and make good choices. They probably work out every single day. They probably eat very well-thought out meals and they take care of themselves.

They make the choice to be healthy.

Just like I can.

I can make different choices.

I can.

Each morning starts with a choice.

I can either get up when the alarm goes off and start the day with a twenty minute walk or I can hit the snooze five times and then get up frazzled, already late and race through the morning routine like an idiot.

This morning? I only hit the snooze three times. So I wasn't running late before I even got up but I didn't get up and walk either.

But you know? I don't feel guilty for that choice. I own it. I made it. It was my choice.

I had to run to the store yesterday afternoon to get cereal for Alyssa's breakfast this morning.

For the last, ooh, two or so months every single time I went to the store, I left with at least four full-sized peppermint patties. I know. And I tended to eat them all in the next twenty four or so hours.

Yesterday? I chose not to buy any peppermint patties. I made that choice. And it felt good.

I am in control. I can choose.

I don't want to diet right now. That is my choice.

But just because I'm not on a diet doesn't mean I need to eat like a ten year old who's parents left her alone for the first time EVER with a pantry full of junk.

I can not diet and still make good, healthy choices.

So I'm choosing (at least for now, this is probably going to be an every-changing ongoing project) to let go of the guilt I feel for the choices I make and just make them, knowing that tomorrow, or heck, even five minutes from now, I'll be faced with another choice, another chance to make a better one.

Tomorrow I might even choose to get up with the first alarm. But then again, I might not. That is my choice and I'm glad to get to make it, to own it.