Jerk

I called Alyssa a jerk this morning. And to be honest, she was being a jerk and so sort of deserved to the title.

But it felt wrong, calling my child a jerk.

She’d been laying on the floor and managed to snag Olivia between her (Alyssa’s) feet and was holding her (Olivia) there even though O was fighting her, crying to be let go.

I told A to let her sister go three times. I told her that O was going to fall.

She didn’t let go and O fell. Olivia cried. She didn’t cry for long but the fact that she cried out at all meant she’d been hurt. Olivia is pretty tough and a few bumps and bruises don’t usually even register for her.

Once Olivia crawled away from Alyssa, I swatted Alyssa on the butt and said, “Why didn’t you let her go? Why do you have to be a jerk!?!”

It hurt Alyssa’s feelings and she pouted for about five minutes.

I made her come over and apologize to Olivia and hug her. Alyssa did it tearfully.

Then I apologized for calling her a jerk. But I then qualified my apology by explaining what had been jerky about her behavior.

Then I ended the whole scene by saying, “You won’t do that again, will you?”

She shook her head, saying she wouldn’t hold on to her sister again to the point that her sister fell and hurt herself.

It’s frustrating when my kids do something that I feel like they know better than to do. It makes me think maybe I’m not doing my job of parenting them very well. I mean, isn’t the actual job of parents to socialize these little beasts into people who can go out into the world and make good, decent decisions that won’t do more harm than good?

So why did she hold onto O until she fell? I don’t know. I don’t think she does either. She was caught up in the moment of trying to make O do something she didn’t want to do. And in that moment, as far as A was concerned, might made right. So we talked and we hugged and I went to work.

Olivia is getting more vocal these days when Alyssa does something she doesn’t like or appreciate. I’m so grateful for that. I want Olivia to speak up for herself. But I also want Alyssa to stop before she does something less than pleasant and consider the consequences of her actions. That’s another part of parenting that’s frustrating. Teaching these kids that the choices they make don’t just affect them.

Gosh, this mothering thing is tough. No one ever told me how hard it was really going to be.