Thursday, February 2, 2012

Office Sir

On Tuesday night, the eve of a new month, Tom asked me what my February goal was.

Now, let me state right here that that question immediately put me on the defensive. It didn’t quite piss me off, but it wouldn’t have taken much to push me over the edge.

I shrugged. I said, “I guess to move past this current plateau.”

He suggested, “Maybe it should be to lose two and a half pounds a week.”

Yep. That did it. I was pissed.

But I don’t think I showed just how pissed. I just said, “That’s a good goal.”

He went on, “You know…the only way you’ll reach a goal like that is…”

I turned from the kitchen sink and looked at him. And I waited.

“To add exercise to what you’re doing with diet,” he finished.

I just stared at him. Seriously? I wondered. Was he really going to go there with me?

Yes, yes he was. Men can be so dumb.

See, he meant well. I know that. He wants me to reach my goals for myself. He knows how much happier I’d be if I were thinner, felt better, blah, blah, freaking blah.

But this? This does not help.

I stared at him for a few seconds and then said evenly, “Okay. Sure. How about you take a look at my schedule and figure out when I can add exercise to my day that doesn’t involve me getting up earlier than I do and I’ll do it.”

He rolled his eyes and said, “Well, if you’re not willing to get up earlier then it’s not going to happen.”

“Right, Officer Sir,” I said and turned back to the dishes. Because, damn it, he is right.

Later, though, around 7:15, when the girls and I came down from spending a half hour in the bathroom while Alyssa showered, when I found Tom sound asleep on the couch, I thought, “Yeah, if I could go to sleep at 7:15 every single night, I’ll be able to wake up at 4:30 each morning and workout too.”

But I can’t go to sleep that early because someone has to stay up with the girls. Someone needs to read to Olivia and check Alyssa’s homework and tuck them both into bed between 8:00 and 8:30 each night. Someone has to make sure lunch dishes are washed so they can be packed the next morning.

I guess I should change my name to Someone. Because someone has to get that stuff done and that someone is me. The only problem is that by the time the girls are asleep, someone is too tired to stay up and exercise for a half hour.

Besides, who wants to workout at 9pm? Not me. I don’t want to get all worked up, sweaty and energized just so I can climb into bed and try to go to sleep.

So way back in August when I told Tom that I was going to start a ‘healthy eating’ plan, he asked me if I wanted his help.

I told him then that yes, I wanted his support but I didn’t want him to try and coach me. Coaching just pisses me off. Whenever I feel like he’s crossing the line between support and coaching, I just smile and say, “Okay, Officer Sir.”

He usually backs off pretty quickly.

That night, though, there was no accompanying smile when I called him Officer. I almost felt sorry for him because again, he meant well. But then I had to get busy before my pity got the best of me.

3 comments:

Lauren said...

Oooooh I'd be fuming. Boys are dense.

If he wants that to happen, how about he takes the girls for 45 minutes every day! 15 minutes for exercise and 30 minutes for you to have some time do whatever you like! ;) But noooo ideas that are hard to come by for the XY population! :)

L

Tiffany said...

I'd be pissed too. I think you should have him take over nighttime duties 3 times a week so you can go to bed early or workout! Do it!

Anonymous said...

That would make me very upset too. My hubby was recently trying to get me to workout with him. I swear he acts like I sit on my bum all day long. Men just don't get it.