Thursday, April 21, 2011

Diet Plan

When I got home last night, I walked into a house full of stench.

The first words I uttered were, "What is that smell?"

And from the look on my face, Tom could tell that it wasn't that I found the scent so delightful that I couldn't wait to taste whatever it was that had created the odor.

He pointed to the stove and said he'd made dinner.

For himself.

Because I have to tell you, I have never before had the desire to eat boiled cabbage and cauliflower and after smelling the results, I now REALLY don't want to eat the stuff.

So Tom wants to lose about ten pounds.

Yes, ten pounds.

And because he wants to do this starting May 1st, last night he was experimenting with a vegetable diet. The diet he's chosen, one of his own creation, is hideous. It stinks up the house and makes me and the girls want to cry. Or at the very least, run away from home until the house has been aired out.

Back to that ten pounds...really? Ten pounds?

I want to smack him.

And then I want to cry.

Because if he's concerned about ten pounds, what must he think of me? See, I need to lose at least fifty pounds. At least. I'd be far happier if I could lost closer to seventy, but for now? Fifty would be a most excellent start.

While I held a sleeping Olivia last night, he ate his odious boiled vegetable medley and talked about how nice it was to eat such a fresh, unprocessed meal.

I sort of sneered at him and said, "Yeah, good luck with that."

Because seriously? I do not intend to be the one boiling cabbage so that my already-fit husband can lose the ten pounds that he thinks make him FAT.

I know. I'm so childish and petulant. I can't help it. I don't want to be this heavy. I don't. Yet, I stuff my face with peppermint patties and Mountain Dew because they keep me awake after several (many?) nights of less than decent sleep as I care for the girls, who are both crappy sleepers and always have been.

I can honestly say that it wasn't pregnancy that caused me to gain weight. It was motherhood.

During each of my pregnancies, I only gained 20 pounds and 15 pounds respectively. It wasn't until after the girls were born and DIDN'T sleep that I started to pack on the pounds.

One would think that with both girls far out of their infancies, sleep deprivation would be a thing of the past. One would be wrong in that assumption. Take last night for example. A fever-free Olivia fell asleep at 6:45. She's still recovering from her fever filled days and nights and so, I didn't think anything of her falling asleep so early.

I should have. See, she got her deep sleep out of the way.

When I took her up to bed at 8:30, the instant I laid her down, she sat bolt-upright and started crying. I told her I was just putting on my pajamas, but that didn't calm her. She sobbed until I crawled into bed with her and let her fall back to sleep on my arm.

Every single damn time I moved, she sat up to see what I was doing.

It doesn't help that she's still coughing quite a bit and so that keeps her from getting into a deep sleep. But come on! I'm allowed to roll over with getting my four year old's permission.

But seriously? Ten pounds?

Of course, if I'd been conscious of my own weight like he is of his, perhaps I'd have caught it before I got to the point where I need to lose fifty or more.

Aww, hell. I'm just grouchy with myself and taking it out on my poor family. This is my issue, not theirs. I need to either make peace with myself at this size or do something about it besides bitching and moaning here.

But I will stand by my assertion that even if I do put myself on a diet, it won't be one consisting of boiled cabbage and cauliflower. Ugh! Not. Going. To. Happen. Sorry, Tom.

3 comments:

McKinley {Haolepinos} said...

I think it is hard to be a woman in our society. I bet if you were at your goal weight, you would still feel as though there was something else you could change. For whatever reason we are always the hardest on our self. Why do we do that? WHY?!?! I think you are beautiful!! You are a mother, a great one at that. You do things that other people find astonishing! You do things I don't think I could... like snuggle with your kids every night. I just don't know how you don't burst out saying "NOOOOOOO!" and lock your self in your room ahahhhah because that is what I would do!!! You painted your walls... I would make my husband do that! ahahha especially behind the toilet. You were very clear of how to help Olivia when no one could give you the answers you were wanting. You are a great writer and blogger. I mean your vocabulary is AWESOME! And you can paint a picture with your words.

I am sure you already know all of this... but as sisterhood I find it my duty to remind woman of their value, worth, and beauty. Especially because I would hope someone would do that for me. Anyways my point is... I feel like this is a common thought process for woman, and I don't want you to ever get caught up in that process. You are great in every way!!! If you want to loose weight that is great, if not... that is fine. It doesn't make you who you are, it doesn't define you or change or sculpt your character. And most importantly it doesn't belittle anything else that you do in your day!

I hope that this comment makes sense, and comes across ok!

Anonymous said...

Haven't been on in a while yet, so I missed a few more posts, but this one... oh this one I hear LOUD AND CLEAR!

My husband has the same "weight issues" as yours. Just maybe a few not-noticeable-to anyone-but-him pounds, but all the same, I have to listen to him whine about his pants being too tight and his "belly" *practically* hanging over his belt. As I sit here, I'm still more than 100 pounds from what I would consider my perfect weight, sooo... Yeah.

I was going to try and give you something positive to think of in this situation, but... I guess I just commiserate.

Hugs to you!

Anonymous said...

Your not alone!