Monday, April 4, 2011

A Few Good Things

I feel like the few times I've mentioned my dad have been mostly (all?) negative. And I don't think that's fair.

He really isn't a bad man. He's tried very hard in his life. At least, I believe that he thinks he's tried very hard.

When I was very little, my dad worked full time in a foundry and weekends cutting hair so that my mom could stay home with me. I think that's pretty great. I appreciate his sacrifice very much.

One thing I remember very clearly about my dad as I was growing up was him telling me often that I could be anything I wanted to be. He was always very confident in my intelligence and that confidence fueled me. I believed him and I believed in myself. That's a pretty amazing gift to be given.

Although I was his second child and second daughter, my dad never made me feel like he'd wished I'd been a son. He was always very happy to have this girl, this daughter who was named after him.

He always challenged me philosophically. We could drive for hours (never leaving a thirty mile radius from home) and discuss everything from politics to religion to the universe and its beginnings. My dad never made me feel like my opinions were less just because I was young. He always listened, often challenged, but never belittled.

Although I was never a "Daddy's Girl" I am proud to be my father's daughter, no matter how tedious I find him now that I've reached adulthood and he's entered his elder years. And I feel awful for even feeling that way. He's always, always been good to me.

Another lasting piece of wisdom he gave me was given just before I started dating.

He told me that all I ever owed anyone was to be cordial to them. I didn't owe anyone a reason or excuse if I didn't want to socialize (his word for dating) with them. And if that person didn't accept that I just didn't want to be with them, at that point, I didn't even have to be cordial.

I have never been in an abusive relationship and I think I owe some of that to luck and some of that to my dad, the man who taught me that I deserve respect and I have a right to demand it of anyone I choose to 'socialize' with.

Again, that's a pretty awesome gift for a man to give his daughter.

So yes, my dad has his faults, but don't we all? I KNOW I do. But he also did his best. He tried. And that's all anyone can really ask of a person, isn't it?

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

No one is perfect, all we can ever do is our best.

McKinley {Haolepinos} said...

Great post!!! And I believe that woman date/marry their fathers. Not literally of course hahaha but I find that so true! We reflect the relationships we have with our fathers to men. I can say this because I have experienced it. So I am glad that you have always had healthy relationships. And it's ok that your dad isn't perfect, I have made several mistakes in my life... but we try to learn and grow from them and I can see that you truly love your dad and he loves you as well!

Tiffany said...

It's nice to remember the good instead of the bad. :)