Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Brave

She cried when I put her on the bus this morning. She was so excited all morning, bouncing around, giggling as I chased her around the house trying to wet her hair down in the back.

We went out to wait for the bus and she was still so excited. She had her pink backpack on and her off-white sweater was buttoned up against the early morning chill. Her silver shoes sparkled in the morning sun. She grinned as she and her sister posed for pictures.

Then that big yellow bus pulled up to the driveway. She looked at me with huge eyes as her sister bounded up the stairs. I took her hand, led her to the bus and put her on the first step. I helped her climb the other three steps.
The bus driver, Mindy, chirped, “Good morning, Olivia. You have the most beautiful blue eyes.”

She turned toward me with tears in those beautiful blue eyes.

Mindy said cheerfully, “You can sit right up front with Kallie. She’s in your class.”

The tears fell and became sobs. I climbed the steps and hugged her tight. I heard Mindy call, “Alyssa, will you come up and sit with your sister?”

Alyssa moved from her assigned seat five rows back to the empty seat behind the driver. I put Olivia in Alyssa’s lap and I walked off that bus, calling to the girls, “I love you.”

To the bus driver, I muttered, “It’ll get better.”

And it will. The first day is always the hardest.

Tomorrow there might still be tears or even sobs, but it will get better. For her and for me.

I did not cry. Not this time. She’s growing up, starting a chapter of her life that doesn’t include me in every moment. And that’s good, it’s life.

Tom called me to report that his recon mission of following the bus to the school to watch her get off the bus went well. She was fine. She had stopped crying by the time the bus got to the school. Her teacher was right there to meet her and Kassie as they climbed off the bus (or to help her get off the bus, as is the case with Olivia.)

Sure, she sucked her thumb last night as she fell asleep but I expected that, remember? She stopped once, she’ll stop again when she’s ready, when she’s comfortable, when things feel ‘normal’ to her again. Once she realizes that each day, she’ll get on that bus, go to school, get back on it and be taken to Grammy’s house, she’ll be fine. Right now she’s unsure of what’s happening when. She’s figure it out. She’s a smart girl like that.

Until then? I’ll rock my baby to sleep as she sucks her thumb, telling her how proud I am of her and how smart and brave she is.

And she is. She’s brave and smart and funny and sweet. Just like her big sister, who gives love and comfort instinctively (though she’s secretly relieved that Olivia doesn’t ride the same bus home. This gives Alyssa a chance to sit back in her regular seat with her classmates and be just like everyone else.) They’re lucky to have each other.

And I’m so very, very lucky to have them.

3 comments:

Should Not Operate Heavy Machinery said...

How wonderful and heartbreaking at the same time!

Just another mom said...

I love that your hubby followed the bus. That is something that I do in secret for the first few days. Great story!

Tiffany said...

She is so brave! It will definitely get better. My Olivia wasn't sad at all this time but was teenagery-pissed-off at having to get up so early!