A Third Grader

Third grade, three days in, has been better for us than any other year so far. The night before the first day of school, Alyssa had a little trouble falling asleep. She was nervous, she confessed. But it didn’t take her nearly as long to go to sleep as it had in years past.

She rode the bus the first morning and has each day since, without a fuss. I walk her to the end of the driveway, she crosses the street at the driver’s signal and that’s it, she’s on her way to school with minimal help from me.

Tom has dropped Olivia off at school the last couple of days. He reports that she gets a little pouty when he starts to leave and he gives on last hug and kiss and then walks away. He’s a better man than I am.

He wants Olivia to start riding the bus. I’m hesitant. The last two days that Tom has dropped Olivia off, her teacher has already headed to the class room, which means he’s walked O to her room.

I don’t want to burden Alyssa with the job of getting her sister to her classroom. I don’t want Alyssa to have to be the one to soothe O’s fears/tears/poutiness.

Alyssa is eight years old. She’s in third grade. I want her to be a kid.

I know that having a special-needs siblings makes kids grow up faster. I know this. But I also know that we can choose how much responsibility Alyssa has for her sister. And this feels like too much. She should be able to go to school on the bus and get to her own class without having to worry so much about her little sister.

Tom is going to ask the teacher tomorrow if there will be someone actually meeting Olivia at the outside at the bus in the mornings, someone who can take her to her classroom, someone other than Alyssa.

I love that Alyssa doesn’t see her sister as a special-needs kid. She sees Olivia as a typical, annoying little sister. And I want that for both of them. I want sibling rivalry, I want bickering (even though it can drive me NUTS.) I want them to be there for each other, be kind and loving but also challenge each other. Right now they do that. I’m so grateful that they have each other and I don’t want Alyssa to ever see Olivia as a burden, a chore.

If anyone is going to be inconvenienced by Olivia’s ‘special’ needs, it should be me and Tom. We are her parents, it is up to us to see that her needs are met. If, in adulthood, she needs extra help, sure, I hope her sister chooses to be there for her, not because it’s required of her but because she loves her sister and wants to help her.

As it is, none of us are really all that inconvenienced by Olivia or her needs. She’s four. She needs a little extra help here and there. We do it because it needs to be done, often not even thinking about it. Even Alyssa realizes that due to her size and age, Olivia can’t do everything that she, Alyssa, can do. That’s normal.

Normal…it’s what we all strive for, isn’t it. Just a little slice of ordinary.