Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Scheduled

I got the call today. Tomorrow morning at 9:45 Alyssa will go into surgery to have her tonsils and adenoids removed.

A simple procedure, the surgeon said. It should take ten minutes. She’ll be home and ready for juice and popsicles before we know it.

Except…this is my baby. My child who will be under general anesthesia, who will have someone taking part of her body out of her.

Simple. For the surgeon, maybe.

For me? Not so simple.

I keep telling myself that it’s no big deal, she’ll be fine. Of course she will. But then my mind goes dark and scary, thinking of everything that can go wrong. She could have a bad reaction to the anesthesia. She could bleed more than they expect. She could not wake up…

It’s scary to hand your child over to a doctor, knowing they’re going to bring you back a hurt, scared little girl who sort of understands why we’re doing this but not really.

Nine is a tough age. She can seem so worldly, so sure of herself. But she’s still so little, so fragile, so needy.

She’s had trouble sleeping the last couple of nights, ever since she heard we’re doing the surgery, actually. She blames the daytime naps. I let her. I know she needs to save face, to not admit how very nervous she really is about this.

So I keep telling her how simple it’s going to be. How easily she’s going to heal. How much better she’s going to feel when it’s all over and she’s past the healing, the getting better.

But here, in this space, I’m scared too. That’s my little girl they’re going to take away. Even for a simple procedure, it’s scary to let her go, to trust.

I tell myself the same thing I tell her. She’ll feel so much better when it’s all over. The strep will stop haunting her. She won’t miss as much school and she’ll sleep better, deeper.

She’ll be just fine.

2 comments:

Julie said...

I totally get this. They put Riley under for some dental work when she was 4 and I thought I was going to pass out. She'll do great. You'll do great.

Tiffany said...

Good luck! It's always so scary when they have to go under!!! :(