Outside

Yesterday was one of those beautiful, if breezier than necessary, days that make you want to just sit on the back deck and watch the kids run and swing and slide.

My girls are all about being outside.

They loved the novelty of eating breakfast outside, seated at our new outdoor table and chairs. It was so lovely, we repeated the fun by having lunch out there too.

But afternoon, I was tired of being stuck inside doing laundry while listening to the whoops and laughter coming from the backyard.

I joined my family out there and took in the joy that is a lovely spring day.

I heard an almost constant stream of, “Mom, watch me.” “Mommy, look what I can do.” “Hey, Mom, watch how fast I can run.” “Mom, watch me go down the slide.”

And it was fun. I chased the girls, they giggled and acted like loons.

Tom cleaned cast iron and listened to the radio while we girls played.

I remember as a child spending hours upon hours outside in the back yard, playing on the tire swing or in the dirt with matchbox cars, building intricate cities and homes only to destroy them easily and quickly once I got bored with the building. I LOVED mowing the lawn as a child, it was a great escape. I loved making lovely straight lines with the push mower, knowing it would be so perfectly shorn when I was done.

I pretended the tire swing was my horse and saved the day for countless imaginary friends.

I played tennis against the roof our house to the point that I’d created a nice hard patch of dirt upon which the tennis ball could bounce perfectly for my next volley.

What happened to that active, happy girl who loved her body and how strong it felt?

I want that back. I want to feel good when I’m chasing my children around the yard, to be confident and comfortable in my own skin.

I want to enjoy the outside as much as I once did. As much as my girls currently do. I want to enjoy them the way they deserve.

And once again, this post went in a different direction than I'd planned when I started typing. And as always it's all about me.