Unpleasant

I often wonder if my children’s sleep issues are due to the fact that I’ve never made the night time wakings unpleasant.

Let me whine remind everyone that Alyssa woke up every single night, at least once, more often than not two or more times, for the first two years of her life. She slept through the night ONE time in those two years. I am not exaggerating. She slept through the night one lovely night in May, when she would have been about flourish months old. I remember that night because it was the night before my very first mother’s day. So yeah.

Olivia was a better sleeper as an infant. She slept in a bassinet or her crib during the first year of her life and she slept well. She never consistently slept through the night but it was nowhere nearly as bad as Alyssa’s sleep patterns.

As I was saying, I wonder if they did/do this because I never made waking up that many times unpleasant.

I won’t say I make it pleasant but I did/do go to them, sooth, rub backs, get drinks of water, ect. I mother if them, if you will.

But the last five nights have made me crazy.

Olivia came down with something last Friday. She was sitting next to me at a table at our local Bob Evans. She was chowing down on her French toast, having colored her way through her children’s menu. But from one minute to the next, my mom and I watched her fade. She color drained, her temp went up, she just lost all energy and by the end of the meal, we’d decided that my mom would take Olivia home, I’d take Jaxon to his dad and Alyssa and I would go finish up our list of things to do before heading home, where Olivia was found wrapped in a blanket beside Tom on the couch, wiping, wiping, wiping her nose.

And so sleep has gone to hell.

The first couple of nights it was fine. I get it, she was sick. She needed a tissue, some medicine to bring down her fever, a drink of water, some comfort. I was okay with providing all that. Really.

But last night? She’s not sick anymore. She might have the slightest remnant of the sniffles, but nothing to warrant waking up five freaking times.

Each time, she just wanted to be able to feel me next to her.

Damn if I didn’t make it unpleasant, is what I’m saying. I wasn’t mean to her, but I certainly wasn’t cuddly or even a little nurturing. I was so tired.

She was asleep by 7:45. At 10:00, she was awake, looking for me to hold her. I laid next to her until after 11:00, dozing.

At that point, I got up and went to my own bed. Where I was joined two hours later by a wandering five year old, who hogs the bed and wants to sleep on my arm. Arg!

That lasted all of a half hour, which is when I left O sleeping soundly in my bed and sleepily, slightly begrudgingly made my way to hers. Where I slumbered in peace for three more hours, which is when she woke up enough to realize I wasn’t next to her and sat up to wail at the injustice.

By now, I’m beyond unpleasant and into pissed off. I snarled, “Olivia, why can’t you just sleep? Just lay down and go to sleep!”

And as I was snarling, I was making my way BACK to my own bed, where she was sniffling away, whispering in the saddest, sickest voice she could fake, asking for a tissue.

Ugh! I handed her a tissue and rolled away from her. See, unpleasantness abounds.

All this to say I’m tired. So, so tired. Tired of being loving and kind and TIRED. Perhaps if I get bitchy and mean, they’ll just let me sleep. At this point, I think it might be worth a try.