BFF

This morning as I was driving to work, I heard a discussion on one of the morning radio shows in this area about schools choosing to separate best friends each year when they (the teachers/rinsiple) select which students will go into which teacher's classroom the following year.

I'd wondered if that was how it happened around her.

Alyssa was a very, very shy child when she entered kindergarten. Kindergarten worked wonders on her and she slowly came out of her shell. She spoke to teachers when asked direct questions, she learned to speak up during lunch and recess when she needed something from the attending adult.

She also developed a best friend, J. She and J always sat together at lunch. They always walked together whenever their class had to go somewhere around the school. They played together at recess.

Cue the end of kindergarten and the impending start of first grade. I confessed to my mom that I really hoped that Alyssa and J weren't in the same classroom for first grade because I thought it would do Alyssa good to be able (be forced?) to talk to, interact and play with other kids.

I got my wish, even though I never voiced it to the teachers. Alyssa and J were in different classes and first grade went as well if not better than kindergarten had gone. Alysssa and J still tended to play at recess and sometimes sat together at lunch but they'd also made other friends, maybe not another best friend but still, other good friends.

I was glad for this.

Then...dun dun dun, we moved. And Alyssa had to start all over in second grade. A whole new school, a whole new set of classmates.

S was the first student Alyssa talked to on the first day of school. They were instantly best friends. They've done everything together, up to and including Alyssa going to S's house yesterday afternoon and haveing a fabulous time.

And I'm glad that Alyssa and S have each other.

But still, when the class assignments for third grade came home with everything else in June, I was secretly glad to see that S isn't in the same class as Alyssa.

They'll still have lunch and recess together. They'll still play soccer in the same league and probably visit each other's house regularly. They just won't sit next to each other in the classroom.

One of the reasons for my gladness is that I think that Alyssa tends to get comfortable having one best friend to the exclusion of others. I think she sees that one friend as being enough, being all she needs.

I think she needs to spend time with lots of kids, getting to know them all and seeing the benefits of having a large group of good friends. I want her to learn all the different amazing things about her that each friend might bring out in her.

When I was in high school, my very best friend was Roxann. Roxann and I were together more often that not. But I still had other good friends. None as good at Roxann but there was Joyce, my best friend in band class. There was Cheryl, my drama club best friend.

These friends brought out things in my personality that Roxann didn't. And I needed those things. I needed to know that I could be the silly, funny person that made Joyce laugh so hard during band class that we had to be sent to the hall.

I needed Cheryl to push me to try out for the school plays, something Roxann thought was just so uncool (she was an artist, she painted the scenary.) I LOVED being in those plays and regret not doing it sooner in my high school years.

I want all these things for Alyssa. I want her to have band friends, drama friends, soccer friends, gymnastics friends. I never want to take away the joy, the confidence a best friend can give a young girl, but I want more for her.

For whatever reason the teachers did it, I'm grateful to them for separating these girls this coming year. They'll still have time together, but they'll both be given the opportunity to be friends with others. At eight years old, they need that, even though they don't know it.