Over

I am somehow an over-indulgent mother while, at the same time, an over-protective mother.

An astonishing feat, don't you think?

I'm over-indulgent because I let the girls watch too much television, I don't make them eat enough vegetables, I let them eat too many cookies, I let them get a new toy every so often even though we have an entire room dedicated to a plethora of toys that aren't even played with.

Yet...on the eve of Alyssa's first solo playdate at her best friend's house, I find myself a nervous wreck.

This best friend is a lovely girl. Her parents are both very nice. Her older brother (14) seems harmless.

But they live in town and I imagine the two eight-year-olds deciding to walk to the park or the library or where ever ALONE and it makes me sick to my stomach.

With all that's going on in our world, I can't help but worry.

I've already told Alyssa that they need to STAY at S's house. No walking anywhere without S's mom. Even going with the big brother is a no-no as far as I'm concerned.

I'm crazy, right? I'm being silly. I know this. Yet...I want to keep her little, keep her safe.

But I know she wants to go to her friend's house. And I want that for her. I want her to get to go play with S. She misses her friend.

Our world may not be so different from when I was a kid but it feels different. It's probably just my perspective as a mother instead of as the kid, when I thought I was invincible.

But now, I know what can happen. And instead of thinking, "Why me?" I can't help but think, "Why not me?"

Kids get hurt. People do things to kids. I know I'm not all that special as to be able to believe that it couldn't happen to MY kid. There are mothers out there tonight, worried sick about their missing or sick or hurt kids.

I'm so incredibly lucky, so very blessed that my two happy, healthy little girls are asleep upstairs right now.

I want that to be true tomorrow night.

And it probaby will be...but I worry. I can't help it.

I know I have to let her grow up. But that worries me too. All I can do is arm her and love her and then...let her go play at her friend's house, praying the entire time that they stay safe.

See...over-indulgent and over protective all at the same time.

It's an art.